Posted by: Wendy Meddour | August 9, 2011

Any Riots your Way?

Like you all, I’ve been watching the flames swirling across Britain in a state of shock. Old friends can’t leave their homes. New friends are scared and facebook statuses have changed from: “the cat kept me awake all night” to “the drone of police helicopters are doing my head in.” The world’s gone mad. And sadly, it’s for lots of entirely predictable reasons.

At times like this, I can’t help but take comfort in the ‘threads’ of my friends in the Welsh hills:

“Any riots where you are?”

“Well, I think there was a loud ‘tut’ outside the Spar last night!”

“A ‘loud tut’!! Bring it on…”

“Perhaps it’s all kicking off in Clarach?”

“No – all quiet here. Anyone want to raid the pound shop later? I can be there in 6 minutes. Just getting Mam to do some packed lunches.”

” I’m going to head over to the pier. Those two-penny machines have had it coming for a long time.”

“Right. See you there. I’ll bring ginger beer.”

“Someone’s had their toupee nicked in the high street.”

“Insane!!! Call Dai the Dog.”

“He’s already on the case. Well, he’ll be straight over when he’s finished his round of golf.”

Oh, how I long for the green, green grass of home …

(Note from author:  I’m fully aware that rural Wales is not immune to the effects of recession, unemployment, moral bankruptcy and a host of global crises – but this slightly-off-the-wall sense of humour helps people get through many a difficult time 🙂 )



  1. It’s nice to read something humourous today, I have to say.

  2. Two places where I used to live – Bristol and Ealing – were two centres of last night’s bedlam. I hope the small Welsh village of Cellan, where I lived from 1975 to 1986, isn’t next.
    It could be worse than the Bayliau Cow Vibration of 1977.

    • We live in fear, Dylan. And according to an anonymous caller, I’m afraid there’s more bad news to report: “Cellan War Memorial suffered rain erosion last night and people fear that the Unitarian Chapel (erected in 1846) will be next. Police are closing off the Lampeter road. Nobody get’s in or out!” I should stress that the accuracy of this report cannot be confirmed. Back to the studio …

  3. My daughter lives in Ealing and controls a large number of stores in the M25 area. On one shop CTV she saw a youth stuffing his pockets with packet after packet of Immodium… All the police need do is ask all pharmacies to report any customer buying large quantities of Ex-Lax!
    Not funny, though ~ she watched large expensive cars queuing up in her (usually quiet) road to discharge load after load of feral youths…

    • How frightening – I do hope your daughter is fine. These are certainly strange times that we live in and let’s hope, for everyone’s sake, that it all calms down very soon.

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